Why Parsi girls won’t pick Parsi boys for marriage

parsi girls and boysAt a posh venue in Dadar Parsi colony, the glass doors open to a scene that’s something between a promising party and a formal social gathering. The music is loud enough to drown the voices of the 40 Parsi boys and girls who’ve assembled here to seek out ‘the one’.

By Kareena Gianani | DNA India

Pearl Dalal, 27, taps her feet to the music, even dances when asked. But midway through the evening, she decides to leave.

“Most guys I met were much older. It is so demoralising,” says Dalal, who works as an assistant manager at a cruise line. “I met a guy who was well into his forties. I referred to him as taame (‘you’ in Gujarati, used to indicate respect). It turned out that he was a relative, and then, he proposed! I felt so insulted by his audacity.”

Unaware of Patel’s agitation, Arnawaz Mistry, the 60-year-old trustee of the Bombay Parsee Punchayet (BPP) and the founder of this matrimony group, looks satisfied and anxious by turns. She has been busy processing the matrimony forms filled by over 300 Parsi boys and girls. On their Facebook page, the number is well over 400. “I try so hard to come up with a reason ‘cool’ enough to get them together… but not many girls attend.”

Where are the girls?
This mismatch was part of the problem discussed by Harvard graduate, Dinyar Patel, 28, at a talk he gave in the city recently, titled, Understanding Parsi Population Decline in India: A Historical Perspective. Says Patel, a PhD candidate in History at Harvard University,

“Many Parsis are hell bent on believing that their numbers are threatened because people are marrying outside the community or are migrating. They must accept that non-marriage is contributing to our decline, too.” He puts it down to the lack of social platforms where young Parsis could meet each other. Patel may mean well but many community members find his understanding of the problem rather limited. Says Vispy Wadia, trustee, Association for Revival of Zoroastrianism, (ARZ), “Singlehood will wipe us out, I agree, but that’s a symptom, not the core reason.”

Parsis, often heralded as one of India’s most liberal communities, can be insular about preserving their bloodline and shockingly patriarchal, explains Wadia. “It’s crazy to expect that our boys and girls will find their perfect match only within this limited pool.” The catch, he says, is that only Parsi girls, never the boys, stand to lose if they dare to marry outside the community: a home in a Parsi baug can never be inherited by the daughter; she can never enter an agiary, forget going in with her children; and neither she nor her children can avail benefits of Parsi trust funds.

“Children of Parsi men who marry non-Parsis aren’t denied any of these rights. You push the girls into a corner, and then complain that many choose to remain single? What do the self-proclaimed upholders of the community expect but an army of half-Parsis so jaded that they wouldn’t look back at their own religion? This is worse than Talibanisation,” says Wadia.

Banned for Navjote
In 2009, Zoroastrian priests Khushroo Madon and Framroze Mirza were taken to court by the BPP for performing “unreligious ceremonies”. They were being harassed just for doing the Navjote on children of Parsi women married to non-Parsis, and solemnising a marriage between a Parsi woman and a non-Parsi man. Madon, 59, won the case, and proudly continues doing what he was once ‘banned’ for. “Show me one Zoroastrian scripture that is chauvinistic and prohibits inter-caste marriage and conversion. You’ll find nothing.”

Madon says he is disgusted by “the double standards of the messiahs of Zoroastrianism”. He adds, “Many educated successful Parsi women suffer because of these restrictions. Not all have the courage to sever ties and storm out.”

Wadia and Madon are worried by another trend that has developed over the last few decades. “There was a time when all our boys were enterprising and revered education. Today, many choose the easy life in Parsi baugs, comfortably paying the meager Rs300 rent, and eventually inheriting it from their parents. Which brings us back to the same issue — how can we expect our girls to choose them as partners?”

Men don’t like it
Back at the singles meet, after the party ends, a group of men sit around for a chat. J Batliwala (name changed) first refuses to talk because “he has only acid to spew”. But he opens up when promised anonymity. “Parsi girls are materialistic. 90% marry outside the community, and the rest probe us about our incomes and education.”

Should they not? “They should,” says Farhad M, looking annoyed.

“But shouldn’t they at least give us a chance?”

“Poor parenting,” chants Batliwala. Cyrus K, 38, tries to pacify Batliwala. “We know we are not exactly young. But even when we approach girls in our age group, it is a humiliating experience. They want everything.”

Why not, asks Diana Besania. The 26-year-old assistant manager at Jet Air Tours is a regular at the matrimony meets. “I have worked hard for this, and it isn’t my fault that the guys scraped through graduation. One fellow actually told me, ‘A competitive career woman cannot be a cooperative wife!” Dalal concurs. “It’s impossible to get along with someone who isn’t as enterprising, and can’t even hold a conversation. I need a life partner, not someone I’ll have to babysit in a difficult situation.”

‘Deviance’ is punished
Roshni, 36 was in a situation similar to Dalal’s, but “fortunately”, she fell in love with her Catholic husband. Last year when she decided to perform her children’s Navjote, she received threatening calls from the BPP warning her to cancel the ceremony or risk her children being harmed. “We went to the cops and had a notice served to the BPP,” recounts Roshni bitterly.

According to Madon, these regressive tenets are propagated by the five men considered to be the ‘high priests’ of Zoroastrianism.

“They were merely appointed as heads of their respective agiaries, no more, but now wield immense power. Daughters and sons of BPP trustees who opted for inter-caste marriages proudly enter agiaries with their families,” he says.

Goolrookh Gupta, 45, says she was engaged to a Parsi boy, but they were not compatible, and she married a Punjabi later. “I tried hard to marry within the community, but it didn’t work,” she says. “My 19-year-old daughter was a firm believer, but after seeing all this, she can’t stand Zoroastrianism.”

  • Why won’t Parsi girls marry Parsi boys?  Now, let me see…… How about 1.lack of vision, 2. lack of style, 3. lack of courtesy, 4. lack of respect, and most of all, 5. lack of strategic thinking.  Of course, it is not good to generalize. This is not true for ALL Parsi men, but too many have these shortcomings.  Mind you, Parsi girls are no prize.  Too many of them are too stuck up with their educations and careers to think of anything other than “marrying up.”  On top of that, we have the bawaji bullies who are hell bent on stomping out any new sign of life in the

    I have two teenage sons myself.  I make sure that they are well educated, but I also make sure that they are not snooty when it comes to their high grades, that they treat everyone kindly, and that they mix and are allowed to be stylish without being vulgar.  Too many Parsi boys their age and older do not think too much about fashion or getting a good stylish haircut or anything like that.  They wear the simplest clothes, and are content to spend many of their weekends studying or with their sports.  Of course that is fine if you cannot afford it, but many of them can and still they act the typical poor Indian student. 

    To our younger men folk:  Try getting a good haircut, some stylish pants, and don’t spend every waking hour with your damned cricket and baseball and tennis matches.  Yes, study and study hard, enjoy your sports, but have a balanced life. 

    To our younger women folk:  Many of you are smart and many stylish and doing well at work. That is great.  But deekrees, when it comes to dating, have an open mind.  No, you don’t have to marry a Parsi.  But you should not eliminate them all together either.  And don’t turn your noses down at men who may not earn as much as you do.  As long as they are stable, good people, at least give them a chance, especially if you are attracted to them.

    To both our men and women:  Don’t just blindly follow your parents.  They had their own reasons for doing things the way they did.  The world is changing very rapidly.  Change can be good. Embrace good change and chances will come your way.  Also see that the world axis of power is moving from the West to the East.  Understand this.  Stop making life in the US or UK as your ultimate goal.  You will pay dearly for that mistake.  If you are in school, especially college age, consider learning one non-Indian Asian language.  I speak to so many younger Parsis and it is shocking to see that their thinking is the same as that of people in the 1970s!  But it is not the 1970s. Many of them are headed for a lot of trouble. 

    Naturally, everrything I have written above applies to same sex couples as well (another taboo topic that our community is too afraid or backward to discuss). 

    As I have written in other posts, we Parsis are the first to point fingers at the Muslim and other communities.  Yet we are no better and perhaps even worse.  We like to pretend that we are all gora-wallas but when it comes to being more open minded then “no thank you.” Then we wonder why the community is dying out.  It is time for a revolution of our own.  It is time for the more progressice elements of the community to take control.  Perhaps it is time for our own lavender revolution!

  • Why won’t Parsi girls marry Parsi boys?  Now, let me see…… How about 1.lack of vision, 2. lack of style, 3. lack of courtesy, 4. lack of respect, and most of all, 5. lack of strategic thinking.  Of course, it is not good to generalize. This is not true for ALL Parsi men, but too many have these shortcomings.  Mind you, Parsi girls are no prize.  Too many of them are too stuck up with their educations and careers to think of anything other than “marrying up.”  On top of that, we have the bawaji bullies who are hell bent on stomping out any new sign of life in the

    I have two teenage sons myself.  I make sure that they are well educated, but I also make sure that they are not snooty when it comes to their high grades, that they treat everyone kindly, and that they mix and are allowed to be stylish without being vulgar.  Too many Parsi boys their age and older do not think too much about fashion or getting a good stylish haircut or anything like that.  They wear the simplest clothes, and are content to spend many of their weekends studying or with their sports.  Of course that is fine if you cannot afford it, but many of them can and still they act the typical poor Indian student. 

    To our younger men folk:  Try getting a good haircut, some stylish pants, and don’t spend every waking hour with your damned cricket and baseball and tennis matches.  Yes, study and study hard, enjoy your sports, but have a balanced life. 

    To our younger women folk:  Many of you are smart and many stylish and doing well at work. That is great.  But deekrees, when it comes to dating, have an open mind.  No, you don’t have to marry a Parsi.  But you should not eliminate them all together either.  And don’t turn your noses down at men who may not earn as much as you do.  As long as they are stable, good people, at least give them a chance, especially if you are attracted to them.

    To both our men and women:  Don’t just blindly follow your parents.  They had their own reasons for doing things the way they did.  The world is changing very rapidly.  Change can be good. Embrace good change and chances will come your way.  Also see that the world axis of power is moving from the West to the East.  Understand this.  Stop making life in the US or UK as your ultimate goal.  You will pay dearly for that mistake.  If you are in school, especially college age, consider learning one non-Indian Asian language.  I speak to so many younger Parsis and it is shocking to see that their thinking is the same as that of people in the 1970s!  But it is not the 1970s. Many of them are headed for a lot of trouble. 

    Naturally, everrything I have written above applies to same sex couples as well (another taboo topic that our community is too afraid or backward to discuss). 

    As I have written in other posts, we Parsis are the first to point fingers at the Muslim and other communities.  Yet we are no better and perhaps even worse.  We like to pretend that we are all gora-wallas but when it comes to being more open minded then “no thank you.” Then we wonder why the community is dying out.  It is time for a revolution of our own.  It is time for the more progressice elements of the community to take control.  Perhaps it is time for our own lavender revolution!

  • Sigan

    I fully agree with Sillo Kapadia that we need our own revolution.As i have mentioned earlier,the menfolk get away with evertthing.Parsi men who are priests and married to non parsis  are allowed to continue with the profession but if a parsi girl marries a non parsi she is banned;yes there are controversies wether she can enter the fire temple etc etc etc etc.Why these double standards????? It is so very unfaur.

  • Sigan

    I fully agree with Sillo Kapadia that we need our own revolution.As i have mentioned earlier,the menfolk get away with evertthing.Parsi men who are priests and married to non parsis  are allowed to continue with the profession but if a parsi girl marries a non parsi she is banned;yes there are controversies wether she can enter the fire temple etc etc etc etc.Why these double standards????? It is so very unfaur.

  • N.Pesikaka

    Hello if it is so demoralizing for the Parsi girls, please understand the plight of Parsi boys. The boys make a genuine attempt to ge married to a Parsi girl. Parsi boys are honest with their education and income background but they are demoralized and shy out with the embarrassment of getting rejected. Parsi girls have generally lived in Parsi colonies (charity houses) they are born and brought up by their parents. Surprisingly the same Parsi girls want an independent house, no In-laws. The parents of the girl are very much dear to her even after getting married but the parents of the boy are excess baggage unless the in-laws are the main source of finance. Question is are the Parsi boys foolishly honest ?
    Is the parental up bringing of our highly educated girls changed from apro Parsi Jamai to a apro paisawallo Jamai.  Apra Jamai ni Toyata Fortuna na beji bhi motercar cha.
    I ask the Non Parsi boy if he is educated or having a good source of income ( may be his own or may be family wealth). With his education and source of income he can very well have a life partner from his own community,  Why does he settle for a Parsi girl? Do the Parsi girls let down their guard and status for only financial security? Are Parsi girls very modern and easy to get if money and materialistic objects of comfort & luxury are flashed?
    If a Parsi girl can adjust to a Non Parsi life partner, his religious and family background which is so different. She is willing to relocate for him, sometimes even stay with the in-laws as they are main source of income or joint family business, Why can a Parsi girl not adjust to a Parsi boy who may not be as successful as her but she does not have to make any compromise in her religious culture life (Her roots) Most important she would be marrying a person who loves her.

    I would also like to inform the Parsi girls and boys that the Parsi Matrimonial functions are highly subsidesed for a goal to get community members together to find a life partner and not for a social or  for one evening time pass. You are wasting someones money, time and effort which is very unfair and selfish on your part.
    Three things to Admire:
    1) Simplicity, 2) Honesty, 3) Beauty
    Three things to control:
    1) Temper, 2) Tongue, 3) Temptation

  • N.Pesikaka

    Hello if it is so demoralizing for the Parsi girls, please understand the plight of Parsi boys. The boys make a genuine attempt to ge married to a Parsi girl. Parsi boys are honest with their education and income background but they are demoralized and shy out with the embarrassment of getting rejected. Parsi girls have generally lived in Parsi colonies (charity houses) they are born and brought up by their parents. Surprisingly the same Parsi girls want an independent house, no In-laws. The parents of the girl are very much dear to her even after getting married but the parents of the boy are excess baggage unless the in-laws are the main source of finance. Question is are the Parsi boys foolishly honest ?
    Is the parental up bringing of our highly educated girls changed from apro Parsi Jamai to a apro paisawallo Jamai.  Apra Jamai ni Toyata Fortuna na beji bhi motercar cha.
    I ask the Non Parsi boy if he is educated or having a good source of income ( may be his own or may be family wealth). With his education and source of income he can very well have a life partner from his own community,  Why does he settle for a Parsi girl? Do the Parsi girls let down their guard and status for only financial security? Are Parsi girls very modern and easy to get if money and materialistic objects of comfort & luxury are flashed?
    If a Parsi girl can adjust to a Non Parsi life partner, his religious and family background which is so different. She is willing to relocate for him, sometimes even stay with the in-laws as they are main source of income or joint family business, Why can a Parsi girl not adjust to a Parsi boy who may not be as successful as her but she does not have to make any compromise in her religious culture life (Her roots) Most important she would be marrying a person who loves her.

    I would also like to inform the Parsi girls and boys that the Parsi Matrimonial functions are highly subsidesed for a goal to get community members together to find a life partner and not for a social or  for one evening time pass. You are wasting someones money, time and effort which is very unfair and selfish on your part.
    Three things to Admire:
    1) Simplicity, 2) Honesty, 3) Beauty
    Three things to control:
    1) Temper, 2) Tongue, 3) Temptation

  • Patrick

    I have only one question. Is it to save the community or to save the culture? We suffer because people are too stuck up to choose between ‘the right thing to do’ and ‘the right thing according to the community/religion to do’. This is not a subtle difference by any chance. Why can’t the Parsi community strive to keep the values and culture alive and not enforce inter-community pairing. Not only the Parsis but the entire community list in India should get over the concept of religion/region/community and bring in a rather practical approach towards being together as one. Lets give a chance to heart than to a community. A happy individual is worth more than a compromising one.

  • Patrick

    I have only one question. Is it to save the community or to save the culture? We suffer because people are too stuck up to choose between ‘the right thing to do’ and ‘the right thing according to the community/religion to do’. This is not a subtle difference by any chance. Why can’t the Parsi community strive to keep the values and culture alive and not enforce inter-community pairing. Not only the Parsis but the entire community list in India should get over the concept of religion/region/community and bring in a rather practical approach towards being together as one. Lets give a chance to heart than to a community. A happy individual is worth more than a compromising one.

  • Barak Aga

    Zoroastrian girls are headed down the right path. Finally they are emancipated. They will no longer settle for second-best. The ladies have sent a stern message across that they are not chattel and doormats. They have taken charge of, and control their destiny. Why should the girl be expected to compromise on her comforts, happiness and future? Let the boys “deserve and then desire”. We live in an intensely competitive world. Boys want everything on a platter: education, housing, jobs, and even a bride. Prove your mettle and win your bride.

  • Barak Aga

    Zoroastrian girls are headed down the right path. Finally they are emancipated. They will no longer settle for second-best. The ladies have sent a stern message across that they are not chattel and doormats. They have taken charge of, and control their destiny. Why should the girl be expected to compromise on her comforts, happiness and future? Let the boys “deserve and then desire”. We live in an intensely competitive world. Boys want everything on a platter: education, housing, jobs, and even a bride. Prove your mettle and win your bride.

  • Patrick

    I don’t agree with Pesikaka. 
    Its not about community. Its about being with the one you like. Just because the community numbers are decreasing, doesn’t mean this is to be linked with Parsi girls not choosing Parsi boys. I don’t understand why Parsi girls are blamed for being ambitious. If a girl is earning more than a boy, its not her fault. Its only natural for someone to find a suitable match, suitable in terms of being like minded and compatible.

    For starters, please stop blaming the girls for everything that is going wrong for your community. This psueo-male approach has only ruined the position of women and thus the overall growth. Being stubborn can only lead to unhappiness. Imposing things on someone doesn’t lead to any harmony.

    If something is held too tight, it swivels into itself and dies.

  • Patrick

    I don’t agree with Pesikaka. 
    Its not about community. Its about being with the one you like. Just because the community numbers are decreasing, doesn’t mean this is to be linked with Parsi girls not choosing Parsi boys. I don’t understand why Parsi girls are blamed for being ambitious. If a girl is earning more than a boy, its not her fault. Its only natural for someone to find a suitable match, suitable in terms of being like minded and compatible.

    For starters, please stop blaming the girls for everything that is going wrong for your community. This psueo-male approach has only ruined the position of women and thus the overall growth. Being stubborn can only lead to unhappiness. Imposing things on someone doesn’t lead to any harmony.

    If something is held too tight, it swivels into itself and dies.

  • Shanoorirani

    Hi. All you 28+ lassies, parsi maidens………….my handsome Brother – in – law Nozar Mirza at Nagpur is looking for a compatible match………….come forth to marry into a respectable Parsi family.
                                                            Shanoor Khushru Mirza….shanoorirani

  • Shanoorirani

    Hi. All you 28+ lassies, parsi maidens………….my handsome Brother – in – law Nozar Mirza at Nagpur is looking for a compatible match………….come forth to marry into a respectable Parsi family.
                                                            Shanoor Khushru Mirza….shanoorirani

  • Kzmarolia

    I firmly believe that the Parsi parent has to blame too for the low marriage rate.  No man or women is good enough for their blue eyed and blue blooded child.   The way Paris in laws treat their daughters in laws is medieval and something they would not have done in their own life times but would expect as routine and mandatory as per the their (current ) strongly pious souls allow.   Ask a Parsi mother in law to look after her grand children, and she will head to the club to gossip or the neighbors to discuss the price of potatoes/maids salary.   You cant have seen her staying with her in laws 20 years earlier, but now things are different.   With housing a problem she wants her baby boy in front of her eyes, always.  She wants her cake and wants to eat it too.   Sensible girls either get married outside the community, where the  in laws pride themselves on the fair bride that their son brought home or remain unmarried.    
    If you do not believe me carry out a survey and ask in laws and the prospective groom the minimum criteria for marriage.   The list that the in laws prepare will beat the list in length and depth that the son prepares.   Try it !!!           

  • Kzmarolia

    I firmly believe that the Parsi parent has to blame too for the low marriage rate.  No man or women is good enough for their blue eyed and blue blooded child.   The way Paris in laws treat their daughters in laws is medieval and something they would not have done in their own life times but would expect as routine and mandatory as per the their (current ) strongly pious souls allow.   Ask a Parsi mother in law to look after her grand children, and she will head to the club to gossip or the neighbors to discuss the price of potatoes/maids salary.   You cant have seen her staying with her in laws 20 years earlier, but now things are different.   With housing a problem she wants her baby boy in front of her eyes, always.  She wants her cake and wants to eat it too.   Sensible girls either get married outside the community, where the  in laws pride themselves on the fair bride that their son brought home or remain unmarried.    
    If you do not believe me carry out a survey and ask in laws and the prospective groom the minimum criteria for marriage.   The list that the in laws prepare will beat the list in length and depth that the son prepares.   Try it !!!           

  • Handsome_lad2005

     Traditional or liberal, ultimately it all boils down to ones bank balance.

  • Handsome_lad2005

     Traditional or liberal, ultimately it all boils down to ones bank balance.

  • Hondaindia

    Yes I agree with you. If a boy is starting his business the in -laws or the to be in -laws will refrain from giving their daughter. Dikra naukri  karse to 1-5 tarik may pagar malse. Business no,no. No P.F. / No. L.T.A. In your own business you will work late or travel. How will you take my daughter out in the evening? How will you afford to take my daughter on a vacation without L.T.A.
    Yes you say you are staying abroad, you are a son of rich father having an extra separate house etc. No matter how dark in complexion

    or what ever is you family roots the girl will say Oh you are my first love and God has made me for you only.

  • Hondaindia

    Yes I agree with you. If a boy is starting his business the in -laws or the to be in -laws will refrain from giving their daughter. Dikra naukri  karse to 1-5 tarik may pagar malse. Business no,no. No P.F. / No. L.T.A. In your own business you will work late or travel. How will you take my daughter out in the evening? How will you afford to take my daughter on a vacation without L.T.A.
    Yes you say you are staying abroad, you are a son of rich father having an extra separate house etc. No matter how dark in complexion

    or what ever is you family roots the girl will say Oh you are my first love and God has made me for you only.

  • Hondaindia

    I  do not agree with Kzmarolia, to each her or his opinion.
     Please understand in the present days late marriages take place in Parsis. The Bridegroom’s parents are older. They may not be fiscally strong enough to look after their grand children. In some cases the affection of the grand parents is miss understood as interference in privacy.

     But in the case of the wife’s parents the wife considers her parents as super humans. She blindly trust them. To keep peace in the married life the husband bows down to his In-laws.
    The very same Parsi girl if married to a Non Parsi boy will stay in a 10′ x10′ room and if and when her Non-Parsi In-laws visit her house for an annual vacation or in case of sickness the so called Parsi wife will have to stay with her mouth shut and her head down in front of her In-laws. She will do Sava to prove that she is the best daughter In-law as after all she is an out of caste family member.

  • Hondaindia

    I  do not agree with Kzmarolia, to each her or his opinion.
     Please understand in the present days late marriages take place in Parsis. The Bridegroom’s parents are older. They may not be fiscally strong enough to look after their grand children. In some cases the affection of the grand parents is miss understood as interference in privacy.

     But in the case of the wife’s parents the wife considers her parents as super humans. She blindly trust them. To keep peace in the married life the husband bows down to his In-laws.
    The very same Parsi girl if married to a Non Parsi boy will stay in a 10′ x10′ room and if and when her Non-Parsi In-laws visit her house for an annual vacation or in case of sickness the so called Parsi wife will have to stay with her mouth shut and her head down in front of her In-laws. She will do Sava to prove that she is the best daughter In-law as after all she is an out of caste family member.

  • Hondaindia

    Yes my views are  very much the same as N .Pesikaka & Handsome-lad20005
    Parsi girls have become so carrier conscious independent and to some extent  it boils down to:

    1) Marriage to an NRI Parsi boy, what ever the looks may be and what ever the roots may be (required Imported Parsi boy who can take the Parsi bride abroad)
    2) a business man
    3) Independent separate house. Even better chances if he has an extra room in the house where the Bride’s mother can pile on from time to time
    4) Yes a B I G BANK BALANCE is a must for employing multiple servants, and extra fringe expenses and also important for the Parsi bride to maintain her own parents at the cost of a rich husband.
    5) Most common these days, Make a wise investment marry a wealthy Parsi boy to ensure good future returns by way of a rich alimony on divorce.( Well planed after marriage retirement plan) special policy in the Parsi community.

  • Hondaindia

    Yes my views are  very much the same as N .Pesikaka & Handsome-lad20005
    Parsi girls have become so carrier conscious independent and to some extent  it boils down to:

    1) Marriage to an NRI Parsi boy, what ever the looks may be and what ever the roots may be (required Imported Parsi boy who can take the Parsi bride abroad)
    2) a business man
    3) Independent separate house. Even better chances if he has an extra room in the house where the Bride’s mother can pile on from time to time
    4) Yes a B I G BANK BALANCE is a must for employing multiple servants, and extra fringe expenses and also important for the Parsi bride to maintain her own parents at the cost of a rich husband.
    5) Most common these days, Make a wise investment marry a wealthy Parsi boy to ensure good future returns by way of a rich alimony on divorce.( Well planed after marriage retirement plan) special policy in the Parsi community.

  • Hondaindia

    I do agree that different people have different opinions.
    My opinion differs from Kzmarolia. These days marriages are taking place at a more advanced age due to many reasons. So one must understand that the Boy’s parents are also older so they may not be ficially strong enough to look after the grand child independently.These days Parsi girls don’t trust their kids with the In-laws, the caring, loving and affection of Grand parents for grand children is considered and termed as invasion of privacy. How unfortunate. The Parsi girl trusts her parents blind foldedly. They marry their Parsi soul mate but at a later stage they blame the Boy’s  parents. My God they are like this xyz, that is why my husband is behaving like xyz, I do not want my children to be xyz. But they forget the fact that they have happily married the Mr.xyz. Are the Parsi girls only happy because he brings home a fat pay pack and does not ask her how she is blowing the hard earned money.The same fare skin Parsi girl turns goody goody when she is married outside the community. She has to account for every pai spent, cook FRESH HOT FOOD and serve her husband, children and In-laws at every meal, that to after a hard day’s office work.

  • Hondaindia

    I do agree that different people have different opinions.
    My opinion differs from Kzmarolia. These days marriages are taking place at a more advanced age due to many reasons. So one must understand that the Boy’s parents are also older so they may not be ficially strong enough to look after the grand child independently.These days Parsi girls don’t trust their kids with the In-laws, the caring, loving and affection of Grand parents for grand children is considered and termed as invasion of privacy. How unfortunate. The Parsi girl trusts her parents blind foldedly. They marry their Parsi soul mate but at a later stage they blame the Boy’s  parents. My God they are like this xyz, that is why my husband is behaving like xyz, I do not want my children to be xyz. But they forget the fact that they have happily married the Mr.xyz. Are the Parsi girls only happy because he brings home a fat pay pack and does not ask her how she is blowing the hard earned money.The same fare skin Parsi girl turns goody goody when she is married outside the community. She has to account for every pai spent, cook FRESH HOT FOOD and serve her husband, children and In-laws at every meal, that to after a hard day’s office work.

  • xyz

    you are perfectly right. it looks like you are happily married to a parsi boy. Nowadays, parsi girls do not want DUSTBINS in their house. They do not want to stay with in-laws. They want separate accomodation which bpp cannot provide for next 20 years.  parsi girls wants parsi boys earning rs 1 lac per month plus car plus separate house, plus no in-laws plus good bank balance, plus good education. There is nothing like mr. right. and there is nothing like mrs. right. It all boils down to money and then more quarrels, more divorces and more alimony amount.It looks like you have never attended a parsi matrimonial court which gives divorces. just go there once and listen to the court cases going on. you will learn a lot. bpp is trying their level best to run their matrimonial bureau but results are quite negative. parsi girls have to do more adjustments than parsi boys. all the best for your children to find right parsi partners in their lifetime.marrying a non-parsi will definetely have more problems.

  • Barak Aga

    Why are the women being targetted always? Is it because they are easy meat? What about males who have married non-Zoroastrians. Industrialist Nusli Wadia’s wife and daughter-in-law are Christians. So is late Mr. Naval Tata’s second wife. Eminent conductor Mr. Zubin Mehta has married a Christian and fathered a daughter with a Jew. One of the High Priest’s son is married to a non-Zoroastrian. Scholar Khojeste Mistree’s brother is married to an Englishwoman. Rumour has it that one of the BPP Trustees’ son’s too has a non-Zoroastrian girlfriend. Will the community have the courage to target these worthies or will you continue to pick on women?

  • Barak Aga

    Why are the women being targetted always? Is it because they are easy meat? What about males who have married non-Zoroastrians. Industrialist Nusli Wadia’s wife and daughter-in-law are Christians. So is late Mr. Naval Tata’s second wife. Eminent conductor Mr. Zubin Mehta has married a Christian and fathered a daughter with a Jew. One of the High Priest’s son is married to a non-Zoroastrian. Scholar Khojeste Mistree’s brother is married to an Englishwoman. Rumour has it that one of the BPP Trustees’ son’s too has a non-Zoroastrian girlfriend. Will the community have the courage to target these worthies or will you continue to pick on women?

  • Npesikaka

    I agree with your article. In other religions the girl has to adopt the practices of the husband’s house how ever different they may be from the life style of her Maiden house. Most of them have In-laws and some even have joint family system. You are also correct in saying in some cases the husband’s parents are old and unable to ficially take care of the grand child for full time.

  • Npesikaka

    I agree with your article. In other religions the girl has to adopt the practices of the husband’s house how ever different they may be from the life style of her Maiden house. Most of them have In-laws and some even have joint family system. You are also correct in saying in some cases the husband’s parents are old and unable to ficially take care of the grand child for full time.

  • Faroroy

    Hi humdins… i think what we need here is a strong organization. My neighbors are bohris and living with them had made me realize such a strong knit community they are.

    They have a separate department which deals with just the marriages of their children. My neighbor’s daughter just crossed 20, and the department started contacting them with proposals. They later added to my knowledge that everyone in the community is identified by a unique number and they maintain the database and track records. so as soon as the girl crosses 19 and the boy crosses the age of 24, they start storming them with proposals in order to make sure that they dont marry outside the cast.

    Bohris had faced similar population decline issues during the mughal rule when there population reduced to a few thousands, but they recovered from it by this strong management.

    We can consider this as a case study and install the same in our societies as well.

    What will we do of all this money and baugs, if we dont have children to cherish them…

  • Faroroy

    Hi humdins… i think what we need here is a strong organization. My neighbors are bohris and living with them had made me realize such a strong knit community they are.

    They have a separate department which deals with just the marriages of their children. My neighbor’s daughter just crossed 20, and the department started contacting them with proposals. They later added to my knowledge that everyone in the community is identified by a unique number and they maintain the database and track records. so as soon as the girl crosses 19 and the boy crosses the age of 24, they start storming them with proposals in order to make sure that they dont marry outside the cast.

    Bohris had faced similar population decline issues during the mughal rule when there population reduced to a few thousands, but they recovered from it by this strong management.

    We can consider this as a case study and install the same in our societies as well.

    What will we do of all this money and baugs, if we dont have children to cherish them…

  • gb

    Excdllent Views. You are 100 percent right.

  • gb

    Excdllent Views. You are 100 percent right.

  • Syrus

    dont take the BPP or its threats seriously, they r just small time jokers, trying to act tough,n o one comes face to face.

  • Syrus

    dont take the BPP or its threats seriously, they r just small time jokers, trying to act tough,n o one comes face to face.

  • Siloo Kapadia

    Marriage should be a choice and no one should be pressured or forced into it.  Faroroy deekra, what you are saying is in fact force them into it and that I believe will be disasterous.  And no one should be forced to marry anyone they don’t want to.  I believe in freedom to marry who you want, but too many Parsi girls are just too stuck up and too many Parsi boys are just too…..

  • Siloo Kapadia

    Marriage should be a choice and no one should be pressured or forced into it.  Faroroy deekra, what you are saying is in fact force them into it and that I believe will be disasterous.  And no one should be forced to marry anyone they don’t want to.  I believe in freedom to marry who you want, but too many Parsi girls are just too stuck up and too many Parsi boys are just too…..

  • Lily

    i am a parsi woman married for many years to a non-parsi. i havethe most wonderful in-laws ever, but i still so miss my parsi kind of life, and the level of understanding i think i would have had with a parsi husband. then, everytime i meet my old parsi school friends, and see the problems they face, i realised that all marriages have their own problems. the problems may be of different kinds, but there is nothing like a perfect marriage. the sad thing is that my friends with daughters are trying so hard to find parsi boys for them, but are completely disheartened by the choices. not just in terms of education or jobs, but mainly in terms of attitude. they tell me that parsi boys just are not what they used to be. they have all become slackers, drink a lot and just hang around doing nothing. it is not about the money, it is about the attitude. my friends are quite resigned to the fact that their daughters will probably marry non-parsis. what a shame! because after so many years of experience, i think it would have been better to be married within my own culture.

  • Lily

    i am a parsi woman married for many years to a non-parsi. i havethe most wonderful in-laws ever, but i still so miss my parsi kind of life, and the level of understanding i think i would have had with a parsi husband. then, everytime i meet my old parsi school friends, and see the problems they face, i realised that all marriages have their own problems. the problems may be of different kinds, but there is nothing like a perfect marriage. the sad thing is that my friends with daughters are trying so hard to find parsi boys for them, but are completely disheartened by the choices. not just in terms of education or jobs, but mainly in terms of attitude. they tell me that parsi boys just are not what they used to be. they have all become slackers, drink a lot and just hang around doing nothing. it is not about the money, it is about the attitude. my friends are quite resigned to the fact that their daughters will probably marry non-parsis. what a shame! because after so many years of experience, i think it would have been better to be married within my own culture.

  • NZ

    Parsi men swear too much, its a complete turn-off.

    And yes, a community that cannot treat its women on par with its men, will not survive for very long. Nor does it deserve to.

  • NZ

    Parsi men swear too much, its a complete turn-off.

    And yes, a community that cannot treat its women on par with its men, will not survive for very long. Nor does it deserve to.

  • Faroroy

    Hi Siloo..

      i think u got me wrong. I’m not trying to promote forced marriages. i m just trying to say that we need an organization which brings youth to the surface.

      in my example, i dint mean that bohirs forcefully marry their kids. they just give them enough proposals to go through before they choose to go out. Despite this process, if kids still prefer an outsider, no one stops them, but they atleast get the grid of what community has in its store..

      This will only increase the chances of youth marrying inside the community. thats about it.

  • Faroroy

    Hi Siloo..

      i think u got me wrong. I’m not trying to promote forced marriages. i m just trying to say that we need an organization which brings youth to the surface.

      in my example, i dint mean that bohirs forcefully marry their kids. they just give them enough proposals to go through before they choose to go out. Despite this process, if kids still prefer an outsider, no one stops them, but they atleast get the grid of what community has in its store..

      This will only increase the chances of youth marrying inside the community. thats about it.

  • Firdauspanthaky

    KUDOS Erward Madon….. WAKE UP ZORASTIAN!!! Bloody Male chauvinists…. oh where is the BPP in all this? … BPP? get the act together…  

  • Magin

    Well.. i think you are making a vague statement at something that you haven’t understood completely. I think you are terribly biased. You have a problem because the parsi women today are more independent and more qualified than parsi men. you are insecure and shallow. You are living by some tenet without understanding what being a Zoroastrian is all about. You are one of those who see a problem in everything. One of those who can’t accept that women have their own choices and their own life to lead. If a Parsi man marries out, you keep mum, but if a Parsi woman marries out you start crying like a baby. You are immature and selfish and refuses to see the good in things.

    But alas… We can’t get rid of hypocrites… can we.
    Well.. go on.. keep women from living free.. question everything they do.

    btw..  
    “Are the Parsi girls only happy because he brings home a fat pay pack and does not ask her how she is blowing the hard earned money.”

    Really…!!! Thats what you have reduced parsi women to??

    “The same fare skin Parsi girl turns goody goody when she is married outside the community. She has to account for every pai spent, cook FRESH HOT FOOD and serve her husband, children and In-laws at every meal, that to after a hard day’s office work. ”

    Thats indicating how you percieve women. First you comment on their freedom and then you comment on them working at home.

    I see only rigidity, no brains.

    Request you to leave the Parsi Women.. Women in general.. alone…!!

  • Magin

    Well.. i think you are making a vague statement at something that you haven’t understood completely. I think you are terribly biased. You have a problem because the parsi women today are more independent and more qualified than parsi men. you are insecure and shallow. You are living by some tenet without understanding what being a Zoroastrian is all about. You are one of those who see a problem in everything. One of those who can’t accept that women have their own choices and their own life to lead. If a Parsi man marries out, you keep mum, but if a Parsi woman marries out you start crying like a baby. You are immature and selfish and refuses to see the good in things.

    But alas… We can’t get rid of hypocrites… can we.
    Well.. go on.. keep women from living free.. question everything they do.

    btw..  
    “Are the Parsi girls only happy because he brings home a fat pay pack and does not ask her how she is blowing the hard earned money.”

    Really…!!! Thats what you have reduced parsi women to??

    “The same fare skin Parsi girl turns goody goody when she is married outside the community. She has to account for every pai spent, cook FRESH HOT FOOD and serve her husband, children and In-laws at every meal, that to after a hard day’s office work. ”

    Thats indicating how you percieve women. First you comment on their freedom and then you comment on them working at home.

    I see only rigidity, no brains.

    Request you to leave the Parsi Women.. Women in general.. alone…!!

  • xyz

    It looks like your marriage is not a happy one. I am happily married. If by any chance you visit parsi matrmimonial court for divorces – just a visit to research and study, you will come across many many cases which might not suit your psyche. Many parsi marriages are breaking within the first  year of marriage due to various reasons which might not be even practical. Day by day our community is dwindling apart. To-day there must be only 40,000 parsis left in mumbai and within next 30 years this figure will come down to 15,000 out of which 50 percent will be old and lethargic. This is a reality which we will have to face. Let us wait till february  2012 when we will get exact census figures and we will discuss further how to increase parsi population. In the meantime tell your near and dear ones to enroll in BPP matrimonial bureau. wish you all the best. God Bless You. 

  • xyz

    It looks like your marriage is not a happy one. I am happily married. If by any chance you visit parsi matrmimonial court for divorces – just a visit to research and study, you will come across many many cases which might not suit your psyche. Many parsi marriages are breaking within the first  year of marriage due to various reasons which might not be even practical. Day by day our community is dwindling apart. To-day there must be only 40,000 parsis left in mumbai and within next 30 years this figure will come down to 15,000 out of which 50 percent will be old and lethargic. This is a reality which we will have to face. Let us wait till february  2012 when we will get exact census figures and we will discuss further how to increase parsi population. In the meantime tell your near and dear ones to enroll in BPP matrimonial bureau. wish you all the best. God Bless You. 

  • Aspy

    i need to ask this ……if we do allow conversions,inter faith marriages as the norm…..will the religion still survive…..and by that i essentially mean 1 thing….will the non-parsis( i hate the fact that i must distinguish)learn to respect it the same way as parsis do?…yes or no….and i dont mean this against you Firdaus..i’m sure you have a valid point …i do get it that the men get away with this …..and we sort of pick on the women…..which is wrong…..but will the religion survive through interfaith marriages & conversions?can it ?has there ever been any proof in history of this happening in any other culture…..why would the non parsi afford the same respect to zoroastrinism as a parsi does?why should he?or her?isnt success based on faith …..and when a non parsi gets to some point becoming successful …..or rich isnt that because of his thoughts……and arent his thoughts in some way based on his beliefs (religious)….he/her would /should say that heh ……i prayed to allah….or ganpati or jesus……and i got here……and im going to tell my kids to follow the same set of religious beliefs…..whats to force them to say that their kids should follow zoroastrinism……we can’t …..can we?..so could it be possible …just possible that the earlier set of dasturjis …..the ones who first came here see that dilemma arising?is it just possible that those dasturjis as the ones today see it as a means to avoid that dilemma by asking people to marry within?from the outside everything looks bad….but this religion isnt all that bad as compared to other religions……sure the men curse.( 😉 …..i do too)..but are we as a religion as bad as others …….NO…..women are more or less afforded the same freedom as men …..except as i agree in this marriage department……..and what about the parsis who do make a conscious decision to marry within……?whats their incentive to marry within if you’re just going to allow inter faith marriages so easily…is it time that the religion split in 2 parts ?orthodox and liberal………and i do not agree with the fact that men should get away with marrying outside and considering their children as parsis as well…….if its not afforded to women …it should not be afforded to men as well……. 

  • Aspy

    i need to ask this ……if we do allow conversions,inter faith marriages as the norm…..will the religion still survive…..and by that i essentially mean 1 thing….will the non-parsis( i hate the fact that i must distinguish)learn to respect it the same way as parsis do?…yes or no….and i dont mean this against you Firdaus..i’m sure you have a valid point …i do get it that the men get away with this …..and we sort of pick on the women…..which is wrong…..but will the religion survive through interfaith marriages & conversions?can it ?has there ever been any proof in history of this happening in any other culture…..why would the non parsi afford the same respect to zoroastrinism as a parsi does?why should he?or her?isnt success based on faith …..and when a non parsi gets to some point becoming successful …..or rich isnt that because of his thoughts……and arent his thoughts in some way based on his beliefs (religious)….he/her would /should say that heh ……i prayed to allah….or ganpati or jesus……and i got here……and im going to tell my kids to follow the same set of religious beliefs…..whats to force them to say that their kids should follow zoroastrinism……we can’t …..can we?..so could it be possible …just possible that the earlier set of dasturjis …..the ones who first came here see that dilemma arising?is it just possible that those dasturjis as the ones today see it as a means to avoid that dilemma by asking people to marry within?from the outside everything looks bad….but this religion isnt all that bad as compared to other religions……sure the men curse.( 😉 …..i do too)..but are we as a religion as bad as others …….NO…..women are more or less afforded the same freedom as men …..except as i agree in this marriage department……..and what about the parsis who do make a conscious decision to marry within……?whats their incentive to marry within if you’re just going to allow inter faith marriages so easily…is it time that the religion split in 2 parts ?orthodox and liberal………and i do not agree with the fact that men should get away with marrying outside and considering their children as parsis as well…….if its not afforded to women …it should not be afforded to men as well……. 

  • Aspy

    women are practically treated on par with men in every department except as far as marriage is concerned…..in zoroastrinism…….yes the men get away with it BUT should that be allowed …NO…..as far as other religions are concerned i still believe that zoroastrinism affords more respect than other communities……i dont quite recall female infanticide,dowry ,sati ,child marriages (though earlier existant amongst parsis…this is the first religion to have stopped that practice)as being zoroastrian…….is it not possible that in someways you are sugar coating you’re views of other communities….in relation to ours……”does not deserve to”…..doesnt this statement seem a bit too harsh…….for our community……

  • Aspy

    women are practically treated on par with men in every department except as far as marriage is concerned…..in zoroastrinism…….yes the men get away with it BUT should that be allowed …NO…..as far as other religions are concerned i still believe that zoroastrinism affords more respect than other communities……i dont quite recall female infanticide,dowry ,sati ,child marriages (though earlier existant amongst parsis…this is the first religion to have stopped that practice)as being zoroastrian…….is it not possible that in someways you are sugar coating you’re views of other communities….in relation to ours……”does not deserve to”…..doesnt this statement seem a bit too harsh…….for our community……

  • Aspy

    women are practically treated on par with men in every department except as far as marriage is concerned…..in zoroastrinism…….yes the men get away with it BUT should that be allowed …NO…..as far as other religions are concerned i still believe that zoroastrinism affords more respect than other communities……i dont quite recall female infanticide,dowry ,sati ,child marriages (though earlier existant amongst parsis…this is the first religion to have stopped that practice)as being zoroastrian…….is it not possible that in someways you are sugar coating you’re views of other communities….in relation to ours……”does not deserve to”…..doesnt this statement seem a bit too harsh…….for our community……

  • Aspy

    there are not 40.000 parsis left in Bombay…………the last census in 2001 shows us at around 69000…….i seriously disbelieve that our population fell by 29000 in a decade……while im not exactly blaming you for this statistic……i know for a fact that 40000 is the wrong figure

  • Aspy

    there are not 40.000 parsis left in Bombay…………the last census in 2001 shows us at around 69000…….i seriously disbelieve that our population fell by 29000 in a decade……while im not exactly blaming you for this statistic……i know for a fact that 40000 is the wrong figure

  • Aspy

    No one in this parsi community could state with confidence that the practices followed by this religion as regards girls marrying outside are fair…….theyre not….. i agree……its WRONG…..i hate the fact that there are hypocrites as well……..BUT do you think that inter faith marriages or conversions can save a religion?will it help …..has there ever been any proof of this happening in the world……..in any other culture……has that culture survived……I REALLY DONT THINK SO……. 

  • Aspy

    No one in this parsi community could state with confidence that the practices followed by this religion as regards girls marrying outside are fair…….theyre not….. i agree……its WRONG…..i hate the fact that there are hypocrites as well……..BUT do you think that inter faith marriages or conversions can save a religion?will it help …..has there ever been any proof of this happening in the world……..in any other culture……has that culture survived……I REALLY DONT THINK SO……. 

  • Magin

    How do you decide whether a Parsi is following the religion right or not?  How can you distinguish people on the basis of the way they express their faith? If  Zoroastrians believe in one God, then lemme ask you this… did Parsi’s God create only Parsis? Is Parsi’s God a God only for Parsis? If there’s only one God, did he create Parsis and then rest of the humanity and then gave Parsis the right to worship and banished all the others to different religions? And If a Parsi’s God only a God for Parsi, what really is the chain of command? I hope you don’t believe in the a Gods per community crap. If you do, then please stop reading the reply because logic is useless on you.

    How do you tame someone’s faith? If I want to worship two gods from different religions, what do I become? A heretic? Don’t you think Parsis as a community take the dwindling number concept a little too seriously? The way I see it is its not about religion anymore. Its not about faiths or Gods. Its about a community too stuck up to see the reason for having a religion. To forget why we have religion and God and focus on increasing population is not faith.

    The very question of whether to allow someone to have faith in a religion or god, goes against the very essence of the concept.

    Also, the religion is not defined by whether men swear or women have freedom. This is the societal dogmas bogging the individuals down. Why should Parsi women not marry the one they like? Who are we to decide what someone else should do or not? How come you and I are deciding things for them? Marrying someone outside the community doesn’t mean you have to follow their ways. Who are we to put a cap on religion or faith anyways?

    How Parsi community can start owning a God, and everything else, is totally beyond me.
    Its not faith anymore.. its just accounts….!!

  • Magin

    Fine. don’t convert. But is the fight really about religion or faith?
    Can you hold faith?

    Religion is to give faith to mankind.  If you believe in a god then the god exists for you, if you don’t then It simply doesn’t. If I want to follow a religion, its imbecilic to oppose it. You don’t own the God. You are a follower yourself. You can’t cap a religion.

    If a Parsi woman wants to marry a non-Parsi man, I don’t see how that’s reducing the community strength. The community makes them an outcast. Its not the woman’s fault. Its yours and mine, as a part of the community.  The child they bear is as parsi as its mother and as non-parsi as its father. Leave it to the kid to choose the religion. Stop forcing things down their throats.

    To restrict a religion to a sect is hypocritical in itself.

  • Magin

    Fine. don’t convert. But is the fight really about religion or faith?
    Can you hold faith?

    Religion is to give faith to mankind.  If you believe in a god then the god exists for you, if you don’t then It simply doesn’t. If I want to follow a religion, its imbecilic to oppose it. You don’t own the God. You are a follower yourself. You can’t cap a religion.

    If a Parsi woman wants to marry a non-Parsi man, I don’t see how that’s reducing the community strength. The community makes them an outcast. Its not the woman’s fault. Its yours and mine, as a part of the community.  The child they bear is as parsi as its mother and as non-parsi as its father. Leave it to the kid to choose the religion. Stop forcing things down their throats.

    To restrict a religion to a sect is hypocritical in itself.

  • Magin

    and the bigger problem is.. knowing that its wrong. you all bow down to it.

  • Magin

    and the bigger problem is.. knowing that its wrong. you all bow down to it.

  • xyz

    Exact figures are 69,761 in the whole of India according to 2001 census out of which 40,000 are in mumbai.

  • xyz

    Exact figures are 69,761 in the whole of India according to 2001 census out of which 40,000 are in mumbai.

  • Firoz J. Pajnigar.

     The question is why well educated, Atash Behram and Agyari going Parsi young girls from good family back ground whose parents sacrificed so much to bring them up, choose to marry non-Zarathushtys and produce children to follow non-Zarathushty faith when our population is on the brink of extinction ?

    Is it due to lack of following informations:
    (1) In every religion interfaith marriages are prohibited.
    (2) Suffering of women when interfaith marriages fail.
    (3) Religious instructions or education what marriage means in Zoroastrianism ?
    (4) If a Zarathushty lady believes in her religion should she marry a non-Zarathushty ?

    23.12.2011.

  • Firoz J. Pajnigar.

     The question is why well educated, Atash Behram and Agyari going Parsi young girls from good family back ground whose parents sacrificed so much to bring them up, choose to marry non-Zarathushtys and produce children to follow non-Zarathushty faith when our population is on the brink of extinction ?

    Is it due to lack of following informations:
    (1) In every religion interfaith marriages are prohibited.
    (2) Suffering of women when interfaith marriages fail.
    (3) Religious instructions or education what marriage means in Zoroastrianism ?
    (4) If a Zarathushty lady believes in her religion should she marry a non-Zarathushty ?

    23.12.2011.

  • Firoz J. Pajnigar.

     The question is why well educated, Atash Behram and Agyari going Parsi young girls from good family back ground whose parents sacrificed so much to bring them up, choose to marry non-Zarathushtys and produce children to follow non-Zarathushty faith when our population is on the brink of extinction ?

    Is it due to lack of following informations:
    (1) In every religion interfaith marriages are prohibited.
    (2) Suffering of women when interfaith marriages fail.
    (3) Religious instructions or education what marriage means in Zoroastrianism ?
    (4) If a Zarathushty lady believes in her religion should she marry a non-Zarathushty ?

    23.12.2011.

  • Firoz J. Pajnigar.

     The question is why well educated, Atash Behram and Agyari going Parsi young girls from good family back ground whose parents sacrificed so much to bring them up, choose to marry non-Zarathushtys and produce children to follow non-Zarathushty faith when our population is on the brink of extinction ?

    Is it due to lack of following informations:
    (1) In every religion interfaith marriages are prohibited.
    (2) Suffering of women when interfaith marriages fail.
    (3) Religious instructions or education what marriage means in Zoroastrianism ?
    (4) If a Zarathushty lady believes in her religion should she marry a non-Zarathushty ?

    23.12.2011.

  • Firoz J. Pajnigar.

     The question is why well educated, Atash Behram and Agyari going Parsi young girls from good family back ground whose parents sacrificed so much to bring them up, choose to marry non-Zarathushtys and produce children to follow non-Zarathushty faith when our population is on the brink of extinction ?

    Is it due to lack of following informations:
    (1) In every religion interfaith marriages are prohibited.
    (2) Suffering of women when interfaith marriages fail.
    (3) Religious instructions or education what marriage means in Zoroastrianism ?
    (4) If a Zarathushty lady believes in her religion should she marry a non-Zarathushty ?

    23.12.2011.

  • Magin Freek

    The basic reasons for intercast marriages:  1) Developed Brain.2) Human rights.3) Opposition to archaical/patriarchal belief system4) Marrying at will and not forced into it.5) Threats of disowning or making an outcast makes you cringe in disgust. I am not against marrying in the community. I am against forcing to marry in the community. It hasn’t helped and it will never help. You can lambast me all you want but the real cause of diminishing Parsis is not intercast marriages but a mindset too narrow to see or understand one’s own faults.
    Coming to your points..
    (1) In every religion interfaith marriages are prohibited.
    What does religion have to do with marriage? If you say its prohibited to marry someone who doesn’t worship your god, you are practically defying the concept of one god, the concept of “God is the One Eternal Being”. Defying kusti? This leads to the very religious version of “My dad can kick your dad’s ass”.
    (2) Suffering of women when interfaith marriages fail.
    Did you ever think about suffering of women in general? Are you saying women, in general, don’t suffer? Who suffers when an intrafaith marriage fails? You can’t be suggesting that intrafaith marriages do not fail. You can pull up the stats for failed Parsi marriages. Faith has nothing to do with women suffereing and failed marriages.
    (3) Religious instructions or education what  marriage means in Zoroastrianism ?
    The state of matrimony has always been regarded as the most important part of life by all Aryans. In the Vendidad it is clearly stated that Ahura Mazda is better pleased with a married man than with an unmarried one, and that He is better pleased with a man having progeny than with one who has none. It has always been regarded as the bounden duty of the Zoroastrian to marry and to bring up a familly. 
    How is that different from any other religion? You may add the clause to marry within the faith to continue race and religion. Continue race is logical. Continue religion is a feeble attempt to induce faith forcefully. If one has faith one has religion.
    (4) If a Zarathushty lady believes in her religion should she marry a non-Zarathushty ?
    That is so sexist. Why does a woman get questioned about her faith if she marries a non-Zarathushty? How do you grade the religious belief and inclination towards God? For all you know the parsi man, a parsi woman is to marry, doesn’t believe in religion at all. Does that qualify the marriage as suscessfully, Zoroastrian? Are the offsprings Parsi?
    As far as I see it, culture can’t be married to. Religion is no grounds to marry someone. Race continues if you stop making women, married to a non-parsi, a social outcast. Rigidity will eat up the community. As it is doing right now…

    And yes, parents scarificed? What did they sacrifice? Wasn’t it a well calculated decision of their’s to have a baby? If you call that a sacrifice, I think you are making way for a notion that all children make their parents miserable and all parents screw their child’s life in some way or the other. The way I see it, score’s settled. Parent’s sacrifice is put to waste when a Parsi youg buy smokes away the life, stands on the street corner with a bunch of morons and does nothing constructive, gets sloshed and does it frequently, has no respect for life at all.

    You better start questioning them. Or just sit back upholding the patriarchal flag and blame everything on the girl child. Don’t grow up.

  • Magin Freek

    The basic reasons for intercast marriages:  1) Developed Brain.2) Human rights.3) Opposition to archaical/patriarchal belief system4) Marrying at will and not forced into it.5) Threats of disowning or making an outcast makes you cringe in disgust. I am not against marrying in the community. I am against forcing to marry in the community. It hasn’t helped and it will never help. You can lambast me all you want but the real cause of diminishing Parsis is not intercast marriages but a mindset too narrow to see or understand one’s own faults.
    Coming to your points..
    (1) In every religion interfaith marriages are prohibited.
    What does religion have to do with marriage? If you say its prohibited to marry someone who doesn’t worship your god, you are practically defying the concept of one god, the concept of “God is the One Eternal Being”. Defying kusti? This leads to the very religious version of “My dad can kick your dad’s ass”.
    (2) Suffering of women when interfaith marriages fail.
    Did you ever think about suffering of women in general? Are you saying women, in general, don’t suffer? Who suffers when an intrafaith marriage fails? You can’t be suggesting that intrafaith marriages do not fail. You can pull up the stats for failed Parsi marriages. Faith has nothing to do with women suffereing and failed marriages.
    (3) Religious instructions or education what  marriage means in Zoroastrianism ?
    The state of matrimony has always been regarded as the most important part of life by all Aryans. In the Vendidad it is clearly stated that Ahura Mazda is better pleased with a married man than with an unmarried one, and that He is better pleased with a man having progeny than with one who has none. It has always been regarded as the bounden duty of the Zoroastrian to marry and to bring up a familly. 
    How is that different from any other religion? You may add the clause to marry within the faith to continue race and religion. Continue race is logical. Continue religion is a feeble attempt to induce faith forcefully. If one has faith one has religion.
    (4) If a Zarathushty lady believes in her religion should she marry a non-Zarathushty ?
    That is so sexist. Why does a woman get questioned about her faith if she marries a non-Zarathushty? How do you grade the religious belief and inclination towards God? For all you know the parsi man, a parsi woman is to marry, doesn’t believe in religion at all. Does that qualify the marriage as suscessfully, Zoroastrian? Are the offsprings Parsi?
    As far as I see it, culture can’t be married to. Religion is no grounds to marry someone. Race continues if you stop making women, married to a non-parsi, a social outcast. Rigidity will eat up the community. As it is doing right now…

    And yes, parents scarificed? What did they sacrifice? Wasn’t it a well calculated decision of their’s to have a baby? If you call that a sacrifice, I think you are making way for a notion that all children make their parents miserable and all parents screw their child’s life in some way or the other. The way I see it, score’s settled. Parent’s sacrifice is put to waste when a Parsi youg buy smokes away the life, stands on the street corner with a bunch of morons and does nothing constructive, gets sloshed and does it frequently, has no respect for life at all.

    You better start questioning them. Or just sit back upholding the patriarchal flag and blame everything on the girl child. Don’t grow up.

  • Aspy

    cool off magin…….chill…..luckily logic is not useless on me :)….i understand what you are saying i believe that religion is about accounts in some way…….and every community believes that…….my email id is aspyrd@@gmail:disqus .com…..i am orthodox…….i will stay that way my entire life…….thats the one thing im absolutely sure of…..but i do want to hear youre opiions and ideas…….so i was hoping instead of me writing through this forum which makes it…….a little hard…..to respond…….because they take time to load an opiion……ofcourse because they are screening it…….i believe deep down that we can practice zoroastrinism in both ways……by dividing ourselves into orthodox and liberal…….that way the orthodox dont force our opiions on youll ………and youll on us……….and im not a racist or a sexist…..
    you know how cool would it be if we could have debates ….more often…….it doesnt have to involve the entire community……..just a couple of us from both sides…….just talk…….shout…….and drink later…….its better than writing……stuff…….we can discuss our opinions more quickly……than writing you know……and keep talking……and importantly just be buddies.looking forward to youre response.

  • Aspy

    cool off magin…….chill…..luckily logic is not useless on me :)….i understand what you are saying i believe that religion is about accounts in some way…….and every community believes that…….my email id is aspyrd@@gmail:disqus .com…..i am orthodox…….i will stay that way my entire life…….thats the one thing im absolutely sure of…..but i do want to hear youre opiions and ideas…….so i was hoping instead of me writing through this forum which makes it…….a little hard…..to respond…….because they take time to load an opiion……ofcourse because they are screening it…….i believe deep down that we can practice zoroastrinism in both ways……by dividing ourselves into orthodox and liberal…….that way the orthodox dont force our opiions on youll ………and youll on us……….and im not a racist or a sexist…..
    you know how cool would it be if we could have debates ….more often…….it doesnt have to involve the entire community……..just a couple of us from both sides…….just talk…….shout…….and drink later…….its better than writing……stuff…….we can discuss our opinions more quickly……than writing you know……and keep talking……and importantly just be buddies.looking forward to youre response.

  • Aspy

    cool off magin…….chill…..luckily logic is not useless on me :)….i understand what you are saying i believe that religion is about accounts in some way…….and every community believes that…….my email id is aspyrd@@gmail:disqus .com…..i am orthodox…….i will stay that way my entire life…….thats the one thing im absolutely sure of…..but i do want to hear youre opiions and ideas…….so i was hoping instead of me writing through this forum which makes it…….a little hard…..to respond…….because they take time to load an opiion……ofcourse because they are screening it…….i believe deep down that we can practice zoroastrinism in both ways……by dividing ourselves into orthodox and liberal…….that way the orthodox dont force our opiions on youll ………and youll on us……….and im not a racist or a sexist…..
    you know how cool would it be if we could have debates ….more often…….it doesnt have to involve the entire community……..just a couple of us from both sides…….just talk…….shout…….and drink later…….its better than writing……stuff…….we can discuss our opinions more quickly……than writing you know……and keep talking……and importantly just be buddies.looking forward to youre response.

  • Magin Freek

    I have no problem in discussing but I’d rather do it on an open forum involving the entire community. No offense.

    And if religion is about accounts, then lets stop involving god and be communist.  Being aristrocratic and imposing your beliefs is not the way it should be.

    You say that you are an orthodox. I have a few questions for you.

    Why do you think anyone from some other faith can’t practise Zoroastrianism? There is nothing against or for conversions in the Gathas or Avesta. That means Zoroaster had nothing against it. It started as a result of Iranian attack.

    Why is a child from an interfaith union with a male parsi given a parsi status? If you are not a sexist, as you claim, then explain this. Why is a child, from interfath union with a parsi mother, not considered a parsi?

    What’s wrong with a parsi woman marrying outside the community and parsi man marrying outside is not a problem? Why are men not disowned but women are threatened?

    Is this equality or patriarchy?

    I am not imposing my views on anyone but merely opposing the views imposed on me & the likes and now everyone names me rebel. I call this bigotry.

  • Magin Freek

    I have no problem in discussing but I’d rather do it on an open forum involving the entire community. No offense.

    And if religion is about accounts, then lets stop involving god and be communist.  Being aristrocratic and imposing your beliefs is not the way it should be.

    You say that you are an orthodox. I have a few questions for you.

    Why do you think anyone from some other faith can’t practise Zoroastrianism? There is nothing against or for conversions in the Gathas or Avesta. That means Zoroaster had nothing against it. It started as a result of Iranian attack.

    Why is a child from an interfaith union with a male parsi given a parsi status? If you are not a sexist, as you claim, then explain this. Why is a child, from interfath union with a parsi mother, not considered a parsi?

    What’s wrong with a parsi woman marrying outside the community and parsi man marrying outside is not a problem? Why are men not disowned but women are threatened?

    Is this equality or patriarchy?

    I am not imposing my views on anyone but merely opposing the views imposed on me & the likes and now everyone names me rebel. I call this bigotry.

  • Magin Freek

    Do you know that Parsis and Hindus are of the same descent? Aryans follow almost the same principles.

    People had spread and languages changed. Nobody cared for the interpretation but only the sect. Zoroastrians,Hindus or Muslims, no one is better than the other.

    If you can’t respect women and treat them right, you don’t deserve good. You can’t bargain ill treatment of women with a few evils destroyed. Wrong is always wrong. and nothing is harsh against wrong.

  • Magin Freek

    Do you know that Parsis and Hindus are of the same descent? Aryans follow almost the same principles.

    People had spread and languages changed. Nobody cared for the interpretation but only the sect. Zoroastrians,Hindus or Muslims, no one is better than the other.

    If you can’t respect women and treat them right, you don’t deserve good. You can’t bargain ill treatment of women with a few evils destroyed. Wrong is always wrong. and nothing is harsh against wrong.

  • Jennifer D

    i think there needs to be a balance & a very fine, but straight line made by us & this community as a whole… not just the Parsi Punchayat whose sons are married to non parsis & yet, creating an issue for there being a lack of good parsi boys in the community.

    i dont think we should allow conversion… that would destroy the essence of the religion & are beautiful agiyaris & baugs. those are pure & sacred & should remain that way… but we should definitely let a parsi girl married to a non parsi keep her religion, enter a fire temple, get buried at the tower of silence, let her kids choose their religion & keep the house she grew up in & has so many fantastic memories in…

    if a girl has married a non parsi, it is for the love… because she knows the man…. & the man she loves, loves her & respects her & everything she is… which includes being a parsi. only in a very few cases would she be asked to give up her religion completely by the husband… in which case she does sacrifice the parsi religion.

    Also, for argument sake, who says she cannot follow both religions… even his religion for that matter… Today, even being married to a Parsi, almost 95% parsi households contain pictures of a ganesha or a buddha or a laxmi or any other God. we even go to their temples regularly or in passing by…. does that make us any less of a parsi???

    today, we make it such an issue, where the girls have to not only give up on their religion, which is very hurtful & depressive, but they also in someways have to give up their own parents & families if the families are religious / concerned about what the community & society will say to them for their daughter for marrying a non parsi.

    parsi is by blood, not by loving a non parsi. going to a fire temple does not make me a parsi… following & believing in my God makes me one.

    we call ourselves a forward religion & i pride myself for being in our religion & would not be in any other, but where is the forwardness… & the refined thinking… we rather loose the entire religion & most of the parsi girls for the Punchayat wanting to keep the Parsi money & houses & land… if a parsi girl marries a non parsi… leaving aside love.. its also because he is stable & well settled.. in which case she wouldnt really want a house in a parsi baug… in a rare case that she would… why not… shes parsi by blood & belief… if she & her non parsi husband did not get married with his customs & just did a civil marriage as told by the Punchayat… why not???

    the ladies of our community have reached such high levels & forward thinking… why cant we stand up for ourselves & fight for our rights instead of just giving up everything we have been all our lives? why are there only these chats here… shouldnt we start a revolution & take steps & actions to implement it…

    We are the only generation of tomorrow… if we dont do something now… there will be no tomorrow…

  • Kudos to Mrs. Arnavaz Mistry, Trustee BPP, for doing her best to help out in this situation.

  • Sohrab Kamdin

    After reading all the views above, at the age of 87, i wonder what “religion” Adam & Eve followed..

  • Sohrab Kamdin

    After reading the views of various people I wonder in my old age, as to what Religion did Adam & Eve follow.